Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:01:02 -0500en-usrss@peeron.comMon, 05 Jan 2009 22:01:02 -0500webmaster@peeron.com360http://www.xkcdb.com/The latest quotes from http://www.xkcdb.comMon, 05 Jan 2009 01:01:26 -0500"Androgyne, tehkiwi" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4758http://www.xkcdb.com/?4758<Androgyne> I mean, you've all done that, right?
<Androgyne> Every guy has gotten fucked, cut the cheese, and shoved her head under the covers at some point
<tehkiwi> Androgyne: I haven't
<Androgyne> tehkiwi: Really? Why not?
<tehkiwi> Androgyne: I really just don't see the point
<tehkiwi> Androgyne: Hands can't smell

++ | --]]>Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:01:26 -0500"FreeFull, jwwadk" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4757http://www.xkcdb.com/?4757jwwadk: surprisingly, windows 7 actually looks decent
FreeFull: jwwadk: That's only the beta. They're going to break everything in the full release.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:48 -0500"Geekthras" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4756http://www.xkcdb.com/?4756* Geekthras facepalms
<Geekthras> Traceback (most recent call last):
<Geekthras> File "<stdin", line 1 in <module>
<Geekthras> ImportError: No module named python

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:48 -0500"nazgjunk, twive, SolInvictus" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4755http://www.xkcdb.com/?4755< nazgjunk> I usually go for "I don't work". Hell, my first job was as a stocker, it's pretty much impossible to fake actual enthusiasm for that
< nazgjunk> err
< nazgjunk> "I don't mind work"
< nazgjunk> slight difference there
< SolInvictus> Freudian slip?
< twive> Freudian sli
< twive> DAMN
< SolInvictus> Beat you to the punch.
< twive> Beaten again.
< twive> DAMN

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:49 -0500"lentilstew" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4754http://www.xkcdb.com/?4754lentilstew: Well, it sucks when your tranny gets busted.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:49 -0500"Sk8t, Shrdlu, zigdon" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4753http://www.xkcdb.com/?4753<@Shrdlu> NickServ, without a formal declaration of war, has begun bombing runs on Bucket, prompting him to go into hiding. ChanServ has predictably thrown its support behind NickServ. flyingferret, though allied with Bucket in principle, has no stated intentions of entering the current altercation, although it's been supporting Bucket's supply lines.
< Sk8t> how is billygoat faring?
<@zigdon> billygoat just kicks anyone who tries to ask him for a statement
< Sk8t> and how are the other bots doing, the ones we don't talk about in here?
-!- Sk8t was kicked from #xkcd by Shrdlu [We don't talk about them in here.]

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"flyingferret, Sk8t, banach" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4750http://www.xkcdb.com/?4750Sk8t: ferret: write awesome book in poetry or solve a rubik's cube
flyingferret: solve a rubik's cube
Sk8t: ferret: write awesome book in poetry for NaNoWriMo or solve a rubik's cube
flyingferret: solve a rubik's cube
banach: flyingferret: Have sex or solve a rubik's cube
flyingferret: solve a rubik's cube
banach: flyingferret: Have sex with a hot chick or solve a rubik's cube
flyingferret: Have sex with a hot chick

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Dysaniak, flyingferret" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4749http://www.xkcdb.com/?4749* Dysaniak spins a dreidel.
<flyingferret> Dysaniak got: gimel
* schwal spins Dysaniak
<Dysaniak> schwal got: Dysaniak's left foot.
* schwal writes a novel with Dysaniak's left foot
<Dysaniak> schwal wins: Pullitzer.
* schwal ftw

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Eule" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4748http://www.xkcdb.com/?4748< Eule> some kids were once complaining about their epic fails in halo 3 and all those newfangled games
< Eule> i said something like "that camping faggot blinky fragged me at the spawn point three times in a row and I had to put another quarter in"
< Eule> it took them a while to figure out wtf I was talking about

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Stereo" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4747http://www.xkcdb.com/?4747Stereo: shronk3y: i want to see a stereoscoped penis if you can get it to work

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"dagwaging, Pungent_Liquid, anna, flyingferret, relsqui, Lisimba, boxhead" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4746http://www.xkcdb.com/?4746< dagwaging> botfight!
* Bucket punches himself in the face.
< dagwaging> ahaha
< dagwaging> botfight!
* Bucket pokes billygoat with something sharp
< Pungent_Liquid> flyingferret, punch Bucket or kick billygoat
< flyingferret> Both.
< dagwaging> haha
< Pungent_Liquid> Yeah!
< Lisimba> Ferret wins.
< dagwaging> ferret: stab billygoat or punch anna?
< flyingferret> punch anna
< anna> Bucket is an instance of a Cabinet infobot.
< anna> Please try to be less violent!
< boxhead> Nevar!
< dagwaging> YOU SOUND BOTLIKE!
<@relsqui> I love how saying informative sentences with proper grammar and spelling makes you a bot
<@relsqui> our BOTS don't do that

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Flayer, door_key, Ghost, Nikc" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4745http://www.xkcdb.com/?4745<door_key> I hope not. I was saving that coconut
<Nikc> I hope not. I was shaving that coconut
<door_key> I hope not. i was shaving that coke heads nuts...wait! what!?
<Flayer> i need to shave my balls
<Ghost> Flayer, You need to shave Sorethumbs balls
<Flayer> no, apparently that's what door_key's doing

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Bucket, Ghost, Ramen" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4744http://www.xkcdb.com/?4744<Ghost> Lovely topic of conversation >.> maybe next we can talk about killing hobos and peeing on their corpses
<Ramen> ...
<Bucket> [khmer silently removes his pants.]

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Doctor_House, Thirteen, Cameron, Wilson, a_scalpel, Patient, a_hacksaw, Bucket, Chase, Foreman, Kutner, Lhyzz, Pungent_Liquid, CuddysKid, Cutty, DudeWhoShotHouse, shoofle" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4743http://www.xkcdb.com/?4743<Lhyzz> So before... my thumb was moving by itself. Like, I was looking right at it and telling it to stop, but it wouldn't
<Lhyzz> Diagnoses?
* Aegis is now known as Doctor_House
<Doctor_House> Differential diagnosis.
* shoofle is now known as Cameron
<Cameron> Doctor_House: It could be Lupus. We should do an ANA.
* tonyb is now known as Chase
<Doctor_House> ANA won't prove anything. It's neurohematoma, like I said earlier.
<Chase> I agree
* Mycroft is now known as Cutty
<Cutty> LOOK AT HOW AWESOME MY RACK IS!
* semicolon is now known as Wilson
<Doctor_House> Do an echo, and look for a subdermal hemhorrage.
* Lhyzz is now known as Thirteen
* Cutty is now known as Mycroft
<Wilson> my girlfriend is dead!
* Chase jumps on Cameron
<Wilson> I'm also the most predictable character on the show!
<Doctor_House> Take it elsewhere. We have a patient to treat.
<Thirteen> boo hoo! I'm dying of an incurable disease!
<Cameron> Wilson: Maybe you should go for a change of venue.
* Wilson jumps on House
* dagwaging now known as a_scalpel
* Halo is now known as CuddysKid
<Cameron> Chase: you're boring! I am therefore uninterested.
<CuddysKid> WAHHH
* a is now known as a_scalpel
* CuddysKid is now known as Halo
<Doctor_House> I love Vicodin.
<Wilson> Doctor_House: I want you inside me.
* daemonracoon is now known as an
* Mycroft is now known as DudeWhoShotHouse
<Doctor_House> Wilson: I'll bet you do.
<DudeWhoShotHouse> BANG
* DudeWhoShotHouse is now known as Mycroft
* Doctor_House almost dies and takes up an entire episode with a comatose dream.
<Cameron> Doctor_House: But his girlfriend said he was looking up Lupus information on the internet!
* Halo is now known as Foreman
* a_scalpel is used for surgery!
<Pungent_Liquid> Bucket, IRC medical advice
<Bucket> If you miss a birth control pill, you need to have sex twice to even it out.
<Foreman> There is nothing notable about me at all, so I'll just be vaguely disapproving.
* Chase uses a_scalpel
<a_scalpel> D:
<a_scalpel> rape! raape!
<Doctor_House> Cameron: Who you gonna trust, some idiot with a computer, or people with medical degrees? Get me my echo or get the hell out of my hospital.
<Foreman> Look, I don't like it any more than you do, but I have no personality
<Thirteen> I say we do an LP
* an is now known as a_catheter
* Cameron gets the echocardiogram, but reluctantly, and with overmuch concern for the patient feeling happy.
<Wilson> I say it's cancer.
* Foreman is now known as Patient
<a_scalpel> operate! operate!
<Doctor_House> Wilson: You're an oncologist, you think everything's cancer.
<Chase> yes, operate!
* a_catheter who needs me?
<Thirteen> Wilson: You always say it's cancer.
* Patient suddenly stops breathing during treatment for no reason
<Pungent_Liquid> Bucket, IRC medical advice
<Bucket> Invest in Valentine's Day candy in March, sell in January.
<Thirteen> I think it's Wegner's.
<Doctor_House> Chase, get me a brain biopsy so we can rule out infection and autoimmune.
<Cameron> Doctor_House: The echo was negative! I think it's cancer.
* Chase is now known as Kutner
<Doctor_House> It's NOT Lupus.
<Thirteen> Or a hemachromacytooma.
<Thirteen> It's fun to say.
<Thirteen> Hemachromacytoma!
<Patient> Am I going to die?
<a_scalpel> not if you use me to operate!
<Doctor_House> Patient: More than likely.
<Wilson> Who cares? Cuddy's waving her arms around or something!
* Kutner defribulates Patient, lighting him on fire
<Patient> Doctor_House: WHO ARE YOU?
* Cameron is outraged at House
<Doctor_House> I've had it. Let's amputate the thumb and get it over with.
<a_scalpel> yay!
<Cameron> Doctor_House: You can't do that!!!
* Patient starts coughing up blood for no reason
<Wilson> I need 500mg Plorazapan stat!
<a_scalpel> stick me in the patient for no good reason!
* a_catheter is now known as forceps
<Cameron> Doctor_House: Now the patient is coughing up blood!
<Doctor_House> Get me a crash cart!
<Doctor_House> Check the airway!
* Cameron intubates the patient
<Thirteen> WHY ISN'T ANYONE PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO ME? I KNOW I'M BORING, BUT I'M KINDA HOT! *takes drugs and chases gay strangers*
* Patient 's eyes start going yellow
<Thirteen> SEE? I'M INTERESTING!
<Doctor_House> His liver's failing. I think we need to bring back autoimmune.
<a_scalpel> amputate his thumb, it'll help, trust me
<Kutner> I lit someone on fire, I'm more interesting
<Wilson> I think he has thumb cancer!
<Doctor_House> You're all uninteresting.
<Cameron> Doctor_House: It's lupus, like I said!
* a_scalpel is now known as a_hacksaw
<a_hacksaw> whee!
<Doctor_House> Lupus doesn't cause neurological damage.
<Patient> I LIKE CHEEZ
* forceps is now known as needle_and_thread
<Kutner> who are we diagnosing again
<Thirteen> Doctor_House: I already said it was Wegners
* Patient punches Cameron
<Doctor_House> Thirteen: Check for Wegners, and get me some more Vicodin.
<Cameron> Doctor_House: Our patient is dying and all you care about is his disease! What's wrong with you?!
<Thirteen> Doctor_House: I just got you Vicodin three minutes ago! What'd you do with it?
<Doctor_House> Cameron: It's the puzzle! I care about the answer!
* needle_and_thread is now known as FoxNetworkExec
<Doctor_House> Thirteen: I ate it, what do you think I did with it?
* Nadando is now known as Cuddy
* Pungent_Liquid shoots House in the leg
<Cameron> Doctor_House: But what about the people! Surely you can't be so heartless?!
<a_hacksaw> amputate his knee! it's KNEE FIBROSIS!
<Patient> You're cutting off my knee?!?
* FoxNetworkExec cancels House because people love it.
<Patient> But I use my knees
<Doctor_House> Cameron: I know you'd like to think everyone becomes a doctor to help people, but that is sadly not the case.
* Cuddy is sexually frustrated
<a_hacksaw> fibrosi of the knee is only treatable by using a rusty hacksaw
<Cameron> Doctor_House: Whatevs! I quit you and your stupid team!
* Cameron (shoofle@hide-62928597.staticfree.info) has left #xkcd
<Doctor_House> Ah, crap.
* FoxNetworkExec is now known as vicodin
* Doctor_House eats Vicodin.
<Thirteen> Doctor_House: All of them?
<shoofle> [Meanwhile, in the patient's room]
* shoofle has kicked Patient from #xkcd (* Patient dies)

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"dagwaging, flyingferret" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4740http://www.xkcdb.com/?4740<dagwaging> ferret: go to college or be a bum?
<flyingferret> be a bum
<dagwaging> darn, i had goals

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Royall, flyingferret" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4739http://www.xkcdb.com/?4739<Royall> ferret: should I put up with you?
<flyingferret> Impossible.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Pungent_Liquid, ShortWave, julian" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4738http://www.xkcdb.com/?4738Pungent_Liquid: My cat started meowing as soon as my alarm clock went off, for her water
Pungent_Liquid: She knows what the beeping means
Pungent_Liquid: Then after I fixed her water and she was done drinking it, she hopped on my bed where I'd been sleeping and took over my place
julian: Pungent_Liquid: You do have to respect cats.
ShortWave: Yeah
ShortWave: You gotta respect an animal that can you can throw across the room that's capable of landing ON the wall, then leaping back at you with death in mind.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"chrisbrl88" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4737http://www.xkcdb.com/?4737< chrisbrl88> motherfucker. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STRIKE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO STAND BEFORE ME IF I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING VOICE>!
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!~chrisbrl8@*.rr.com] by billygoat
-!- chrisbrl88 was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [5-minute autokill]

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Val" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4733http://www.xkcdb.com/?4733< Val> All of a sudden this script that was installing an EFI bootloader dd'd 512 bytes somewhere and I knew I was in deep shit then

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Royall, flyingferret" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4731http://www.xkcdb.com/?4731<Royall> flyingferret: Get cheese or stay here andsulk
<flyingferret> stay here andsulk
<Royall> flyingferret: Get cheese or stay here and sulk
<flyingferret> stay here and sulk
<Royall> flyingferret: Get ham or stay here and sulk
<flyingferret> stay here and sulk
<Royall> Damn what else do I have to eat to ask flyingferret about
<Royall> flyingferret: Get ham and cheese or stay here and sulk
<flyingferret> stay here and sulk
<Royall> YOU FUCKING DICK YOU MAKE ME SAD

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Ghorthas, Royall" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4730http://www.xkcdb.com/?4730<Royall> Ghorthas: You enviornmentalist liberal communist obama-loving democratic atheistic bisexual sodomizing Colbert fan
<Ghorthas> Royall, I'm not an atheist

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"penka, tehkiwi" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4728http://www.xkcdb.com/?4728<penka> bllleeehhh
<penka> i hate how my connection keeps getting dropped
<penka> stupid pidgin
<tehkiwi> so do i
<tehkiwi> stupid neighbor's unsecured wireless

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4727http://www.xkcdb.com/?4727Antimony-120: wait, khmer objects vehemently to everything?
*** Antimony-120 has been kicked from #xkcd by khmer: YES

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Cojaro, Spork" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4726http://www.xkcdb.com/?4726Cojaro: it's 8:30 here and my parents went to bed an hour ago. Something's not quite right...
Spork: Cojaro: ready for a new brother or sister?

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"JaggerG, Nikc" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4724http://www.xkcdb.com/?4724<Nikc> JaggerG: Shake that bear?
<JaggerG> I'm going to go mas...ter this Legend of Zelda game...see you guys later....

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Lhyzz, Parts, Sorethumb, bluefoxx" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4723http://www.xkcdb.com/?4723<bluefoxx> whats a good place to download windows updates thats NOT the microsoft website
<@Lhyzz> bluefoxx: VirusesRus.com
<Sorethumb> bluefoxx: shakethatbear.com
* Parts: bluefoxx (BlueFoxx@hide-7396F6FC.vs.shawcable.net) (don't ask for help from retards)

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"snark, Bucket, Pungent_Liquid, flyingferret" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4722http://www.xkcdb.com/?4722Bucket: Instead of a defibrillator, I'm going to use this ferret I coated with yellow paint to look like Pikachu.
Pungent_Liquid: Flyingferret actually works as a defibrillator
snark: the problem with using ferret as a defibrillator is sometimes he doesn't work
* snark holds ferret to his chest
snark: ferret: ZAP or pfizzle?
flyingferret: ZAP
Diet-Drew|PhD: CLEAR
* snark flies across the room

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Spork" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4721http://www.xkcdb.com/?4721<Spork> you suck more than a broke hooker with a vacuum.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"marc" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4719http://www.xkcdb.com/?4719<marc> /nick marc
<marc> err
<marc> wait
<marc> wtf

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Royall" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4716http://www.xkcdb.com/?4716<Royall> I mean, they'll laugh. They'll say it'll never happened
<Royall> But that's what they said about the PHONELESS IPHONE
<Royall> WHAT NOW

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4715http://www.xkcdb.com/?4715* Flayer screams bloody murder
* Royall screams Bloody Mary, shaken

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Aegis, Bucket" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4714http://www.xkcdb.com/?4714<Aegis> Fuck yeah.
<Bucket> FUCK YEAH
<Aegis> FUCK YEAH!!
<Bucket> SHABLA JATE!
<Aegis> Lmao

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Aegis, Duckstack, Spork, Shrdlu" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4713http://www.xkcdb.com/?4713< Aegis> Duckstack: Who were you previous to the Duckstackening?
*** Duckstack is now known as Spork
< Spork> <- that
< Aegis> Turn back into Duckstack!
< Spork> ... ok
*** You're now known as Duckstack
< Aegis> When you're Spork you're like Clark Kent, but Duckstack is like Spider-man
<@Shrdlu> Aegis: ... Ow.
< Duckstack> clark kent != superman
< Duckstack> XD
< Aegis> I know that doesn't make sense, but goddammit you're a stack of ducks and you're the one questioning my logic here?

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Shrdlu, relsqui" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4711http://www.xkcdb.com/?4711* relsqui asked the internet how to make gloves and the internet is obliging
< Antimony-120> relsqui: First you have to farm for some skins
<@relsqui> Antimony-120: har har. :)
<@Shrdlu> relsqui: Actually, you did have a good idea asking the Internet.
<@Shrdlu> relsqui: I hear it's no stranger to gloves.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Bucket" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4709http://www.xkcdb.com/?4709* creamycenter spits it out
<Bucket> [There is the sound of a banjo falling hundreds of feet and hitting a cat.]

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:50 -0500"Lhyzz, Royall, hexium, Eule, torerling" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4708http://www.xkcdb.com/?4708Royall: I'm gonna punch you so hard your grandchildren's dentists will hurt
hexium: I'm gonna punch you so hard your grandparents' dentures will hurt
Royall: I'm gonna cut you up so bad, you'll wish I never cut you up so bad
Lhyzz: your grandchildren's dentists? that makes no fucking sense
Royall: Lhyzz, and?
Lhyzz: I'm going to kick you so hard, your step-father-in-law's accountant is going to need a new stained-glass window for his country home's entryway!
hexium: Well I'm gonna cut you up so bad you'll start hating the Ctrl+X shortcut
Lhyzz: I'm going to punch you so hard, David Letterman's gardener is going to need breast implants.
Royall: I'm gonna cut you up so bad, it'll effect you and/or others in a negative manner
hexium: I'm gonna punch you so hard, you'll wish Royall cut you up instead.
Eule: I'm gonna stomp on your dick so hard that you'll need a speculum to pee.
Lhyzz: I'm going to shoot you in the face so hard, your great uncle on your mother's side is going to eat a banana!
torerling: I'm gonna punch you so bad, it'll knock out the aliens that abducted you as a child
Lhyzz: I'm gonna make you a cheese sandwich so good, your mother'll be spitting out condoms for a week

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Glench, Randall, shoofle" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4706http://www.xkcdb.com/?4706<@Glench> Randall: imagine summer glench!
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me poking my head out from a long line of statues, trying desperately not to be noticed in the wax figurine museum
<&Randall> Glench: I'm imagining you perfectly still, dressed as Queen Elizabeth the First
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me sighting a crossbow at the famed professor of psychology marshall weathers, only to feel a hint of remorse before I pull the trigger. I hesitate, not ready to shoot, yet a gust knocks a stray emad into my hand and the bolt leaps from the end of the gun
<&Randall> Glench: imagine me holding a scimitar made from modeling clay, standing over you, furiously blowing on a dog whistle. I am wearing a coonskin cap made from a live raccoon.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me with your previous 3 boyfriends, the latest indie pop song blaring in the foreground, a separate version of me glaring in the background, and a trashbag's worth of handmade blown glass spiders strewn throughout the midground
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine there's no heaven. It isn't hard to do. Imagine me in the wax museum, but for some reason I'm wearing an evening gown made of porcelain cats. I am misunderstanding the mafia hit order and trying to have you "waxed". You are annoyed, aroused, and a hologram.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me as yo mama, much easier to do, but harder to do than her, staring whistfully into the mcdonald's play place, a pack of 3rd graders in one hand, a sack of parkinson's disease in the other
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me over you as you sleep, dangling from a strand of spiderweb. I carefully draw a police chalk line around your body as you, still fast asleep, stuff sardine after sardine into your packed mouth. Gravity is replaced by electromagnetism and we are the last two people on earth.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me and shoofle, each pulling on one of your arms. You grimace and stretch to many times your normal armspan, a-la Stretch Armstrong, until you finally burst. Obama Inauguration tickets spray everywhere. Ron Paul rides past on a cybernetic horse.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me quivering, invisible, high above mars' thin atmosphere. The contents of a wallet and several small wolves' stomach are strewn about me as I inhale the fresh vacuum. It is time to pick the cuttlefish, for they are ripe.
<@shoofle> Randall: Imagine me watching, horrified, as you take a shot, in violation of the ancient and decrepit, now rotting, rules of the '04 presidential debate drinking game.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me reclining on a sofa in the middle of the Arctic Ocean. A column of meltwater lifts me higher and higher as I sing a single pure note. Shoofle furious works the levers on the waterspout machine as Santa watches helplessly, bound and gagged. I give you a hamburger.
<@Glench> shoofle: imagine me, incarnate this time, jetski past a crowd of delighted walruses, their rockets firing each in turn with wonder, a few sputtering and falling to the ground where several young iberian slaves harvest the newly-gotten physics. Albert Einstein will be pleased with this load.
<@shoofle> Glench: I'm imagining you inside a dresser, with each shelf in it emptied and with a hole cut in it so that you fit in with no room to move. In order to get you out we have to pull out each shelf an inch at a time, slowly inching you out, before removing you with a crane. The crane is operated by President-Elect Barack Obama.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me giving you the hamburger you had previously given me. It is a slightly different hamburger, different in some subtle but impenetrable way. You penetrate the hamburger and turn your blog inside out.
<@shoofle> Glench: Imagine Randall, standing over a blood-drenched ball pit. His hands red already, he dives in and starts digging, searching for the lost body parts. He comes up with a single red ball, cut in half, blood still pouring out of the middle. He turns it, and you see an alien face. It mewls, and your view pans down and out the door, where blood is slowly trickling out and down the stairs.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me peering up at you from inside a breadbox. You, maintaining eye contact, slowly raise the axe. I smile and you become a statue. Suddenly, I am on a shelf in a bakery. Shoofle, dressed as a middle-aged woman, is purchasing me. We are in 9th-century Kiev.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me situation in hand (also in mouth), several hamburger-hours already wasted, turning to you with a look of constipated batman, and mouthing the words "information superhighway"
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me, but with all the color knobs twisted at random. I spread my arms wide and the planets spin dizzyingly overhead. You are riding a cat through space. shoofle melts into a pool of toffee, slurps across the ground over to the podium, and begins to engulf Barack Obama's leg.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me, thighs glistening in the cool light of nuclear holocaust, wearing a poncho, holding an umbrella, eagerly conversing with the onslaught of nuclear fire headed my way. You hear me utter the words "I didn't like taco bell that much anyway" before I burst into chocolate-flavored ash. My remains are soon turned into edible panties.
<@shoofle> Glench: Imagine me, peering down at you from a helicopter. I start climbing down a rope, but it expands before me at a constant rate even as I move along it at a constant rate. Assuming it starts as being three meters long, I start at the one meter point, I move one meter per second, and the rope expands two meters per second. How long does it take me to reach you? Express in kilograms per kilopascal-fortnight.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me as hard as you can. You are wrapped around the blade of a ceiling fan set to 'high', clinging for dear life. Hungry cats circle beneath you, waiting for you to lose your grip. One of the cats looks up. It has Ron Paul's face. Cut to a shot of World Trade Center 7 collapsing.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me, IT department incarnate. My goatees collapse to a singularity as the world rejoices at its destruction. Spiderman grips your ankles gently and peers up at you from a veil of gummy-bear-wrought fumes.
<@shoofle> Randall: Imagine me, but I'm the filament in an incandescent bulb. And I'm made of tungsten. I break out of my conductive, glowy prison only to find I am locked in a cloudy gas bulb. I slowly begin to suffocate, before smashing my way out with my heavy, high-melting point fists. I shoot you with a nerf gun.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me, clutched by a giant housefly, soaring above the amber waves of grain. It would be beautiful, but you can't see it. You claw madly at the inside of the dishwasher, praying desperately that the 'rinse' cycle comes soon. Outside, the acorns are piled to halfway up the second-story windows. Obama is sworn in in reverse as Ron Paul hurls a wad of toffee into World Trade Center 7, causing it to collapse.
<@shoofle> Glench: Imagine me, gently weaving in and out of a massive space battle. I appear to be riding a unicorn. The horn is tipped with a brass eagle; below it flies an american flag. The unicorn's face is Ron Paul's. It darts and weaves, leaving twin trails of red/white/blue and rainbows. Gold pellets are rapidly fired at a TIE fighter, which bursts into an entirely new universe. The universe is populated with Summer Glau clones.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me watching the space battle as you scan the personals ads desperately. The world slowly becomes two-dimensional as the unicorn's horn grows at a constant rate. You slither across the floor, unhinge your jaw, and begin to swallow a gigantic wad of toffee. From within the toffee, we hear Ron Paul's muffled voice frantically defending the gold standard.
<@Glench> Randall: imagine me, undulating across the multiverse, a pinstripe suit spontaneously generating and criticizing a full concert piano's rendition of the x-files theme song. I sit down at the bench, crack my knuckles, and begin to blog.
<&Randall> Glench: Imagine me standing over your comically-lopsided corpse, retching. I vomit a huge number of Vicodin tablets over your body as your spirit ascends and becomes tangled in the ceiling fan. The cats on the wallpaper detach and begin to circle. I am gone, and in my place is a 1:15 scale model of the universe. In that universe, Ron Paul becomes president. World Trade Center 7 is rebuilt and your blog is published in hardcover, selling an infinite number of copies. Summer Glau weeps into her coffee, humming through her sobs a single pure note.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Nick" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4701http://www.xkcdb.com/?4701<Nick> I have exactly $333 in my 'small bills' jar-thing. can one of you spare a quarter, nickle, and 3 pennies? I need to make this happen, or I'll never get to sleep.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Rhenium_diboride, Nikc" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4700http://www.xkcdb.com/?4700<Rhenium_diboride> He sees you when you're sleeping
<Rhenium_diboride> He sees you when you're awake
<Nikc> Rhenium_diboride: Ceiling cat?

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Jax184" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4699http://www.xkcdb.com/?4699<Jax184> I MAKE ICE CREAM WITH A RECORD PLAYER.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"NoOneButMe, Eule, Potassium, Radon, magcius, Ansible, Azquelt, Bucket, SolInvictus, TheBucket, muze, science" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4698http://www.xkcdb.com/?4698* spooner was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* F-Dawg was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* komies was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Drav was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Failure was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* spoop was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Markov was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* komies (robyn@hide-347EBF.sc.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
* Failure (gotabo@hide-9E31ECAC.hsd1.md.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* spoop (spoop@hide-F18928C.hsd1.ct.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* ShortWave was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* noamsml was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Pizzutz was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* NoOneButMe was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* XX01XX was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* SolInvictus (solinvictu@625ACD4B.1DF27E4.C89DE4CC.IP) has joined #xkcd
* NoOneButMe (z@hide-8B85B339.nycmny.fios.verizon.net) has joined #xkcd
* CheshireCat was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* muze was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* NinjaWizard was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* uberushaximus was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* uberushaximus (~uberushax@hide-4D3524FB.dhcp.fdul.wi.charter.com) has joined #xkcd
* jbaikge was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Radon> o nooo! :o
* jbaikge (jake@hide-C451A9F9.hr.hr.cox.net) has joined #xkcd
* Parak was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Parak (utterly_vi@hide-55946F7C.cable.mindspring.com) has joined #xkcd
* Lisa was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Thomas was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Lisa (Lisa@D7998609.95C5233B.355F7AC2.IP) has joined #xkcd
* CheshireCat (~CheshireC@hide-7040671E.rochester.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
* chakl|woot was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<SolInvictus> Oh no
* billn was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Eule> <_< >_>
* FossZombie was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* billn (billn@hide-16505E84.billn.net) has joined #xkcd
* eclipseyue was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* LSStaf was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Tralin|Away was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* LSStaf (Staf@hide-FD5497B4.client.mchsi.com) has joined #xkcd
* sboob was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* bearachute was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* sboob (a@hide-F18928C.hsd1.ct.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* bearachute (bearmander@hide-E78FBB3F.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* Aegis was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* tonsofpcs was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Radon> the humanity!
* PhantmShado_ was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* tonsofpcs (tonsofpcs@hide-76C79842.stny.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
* Raxo was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* vawrtuhcks was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Raxo (Raxo@hide-A4845A3B.hsd1.in.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* Teknobo was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Tralin|Away (Tralin@hide-B95383A1.dsl.bell.ca) has joined #xkcd
* AngryOverlord was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* AngryOverlord (AngryOverl@hide-2038D5A9.san.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
* chriskarate was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* chriskarate (sevenplagu@hide-B44491D5.hsd1.co.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* Langly_office was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* rivalarrival was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Steef was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Eule> when a problem comes along, you must kick it
* Steef (sallen@hide-79B8084B.static-ip.telepacific.net) has joined #xkcd
* Phi was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* mak`` was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* mak`` (mpking@hide-BE99F6FF.socal.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
* Turgid was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* samn was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* eqj was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Turgid (~DFwiki@hide-631AC9D3.ph.ph.cox.net) has joined #xkcd
* eqj (~Areilah@hide-6336D60.bchsia.telus.net) has joined #xkcd
* PhantmShado was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* UnstoppableGob was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* UnstoppableGob (~10charlim@hide-50A00A85.sd.sd.cox.net) has joined #xkcd
* PSOAddict was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Radon is now known as problem
* tonyb was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* mutable_malachi was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* FsM was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* eco was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* FsM (cocks@hide-BF921683.hsd1.mn.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* punzada was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* sung was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<NoOneButMe> i'm jewish, i'd rather avoid kicking :p
* relsqui was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Lhyzz was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* punzada (punzada@hide-EE12ABFA.com) has joined #xkcd
* wsa was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* mewyn was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* f8 was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* femmebot was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* maf54 was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* ramsey was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* cogit0 was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* carrot was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Nimsical was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* InitHello was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Whtiger was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<NoOneButMe> or was i already kicked?
* muze (~muze@hide-ED7CBDE5.lightspeed.waynmi.sbcglobal.net) has joined #xkcd
* NoOneButMe blinks
* Phthano was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Tiger was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* InitHello (~inithello@hide-A998E03B.com) has joined #xkcd
* Tiger (Tiger@hide-E579F94.zive.ca) has joined #xkcd
<Eule> NoOneButMe: why not, it's not sundown Friday yet
* Ademan was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* deadfool was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* zigdon was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* jabagawee was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Potassium> Ah?
* Toba was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Toba (eastein@hide-C6645B82.com) has joined #xkcd
* mytmouse was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Halo pokes billygoat - SUICIDE!
* billygoat sets mode: +b *!halo@*.co.uk
* Halo was kicked by billygoat (Goat-ed)
* gavin was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* gavin (gavin@hide-BE7B8B53.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) has joined #xkcd
* saturn was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* jin_sane was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* azulez was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Drakkar was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* kremlin was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Drakkar (Drakkar@hide-47515303.ph.ph.cox.net) has joined #xkcd
* problem is now known as TheBucket
* mdordal2 was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Potassium> This is amusing.
* debdrup was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<NoOneButMe> hanukkah started a few days ago
* Ansible was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Overand was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<NoOneButMe> the 22nd
* Dark-Fx was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Ansible (Ansible@hide-5DF680A4.dsl.rcsntx.swbell.net) has joined #xkcd
* Aprilis was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Uhmerwell was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* OEP was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* encryptio was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* codon was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* ac was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* spenguin was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* eightyeight was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* spinfire was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* eightyeight (~aaron@hide-BAB70033.hsd1.ut.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
* keith was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* magcius_ is now known as magcius
* jercos was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* chaos95 was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* redofrac was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* shoofle was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* billygoat sets mode: -b *!halo@*.co.uk
<muze> alright guys, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU BURN THE OPT FOLDER IN LINUX, it won't fucking let me cuz i don't have permissions
<Eule> NoOneButMe: yeah, but i was thinking of the general "no work on the sabbath" thing
* Glench was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Selig was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Lefty was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Halo (halo@hide-CC39CFD5.zone4.bethere.co.uk) has joined #xkcd
* harleypig was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* CTHULHU is now known as science
* kelp was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* SeveredCross was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* the_russkey was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* dngor was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Potassium> Hahahaha
* FunkyTuba was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<NoOneButMe> oh
* khmer was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* abzde was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* warriorness was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* vrillusions was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* thumper^ was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Val was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<science> HE'S WORSE THAN STALIN
<magcius> Mods, please kick Stereo
* jackolas was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* SummerGlau was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* Vacorsis was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<NoOneButMe> i'm just jewish enough to avoid getting kicked if i wasn't kicked yet
<Azquelt> sudo?
* infralite was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* quine was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
<Potassium> :O He booted khmer.
<Ansible> science: rofl
* Diet-Drew|MD was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas!)
* quine (quine@hide-40267F6E.dsl.pltn13.sbcglobal.net) has joined #xkcd
* Diet-Drew|MD (drew@hide-CDC7079F.dsl.pltn13.pacbell.net) has joined #xkcd
<NoOneButMe> otherwise i'm not religious
* redofrac (e@hide-F2C8222F.hsd1.ca.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
<magcius> Potassium, and Zigdon
<Diet-Drew|MD> not cool
<Bucket> Bucket, cool
<TheBucket> is it over?
<Eule> science: at least Mussolini made the kicks run on time
* Stereo was kicked by Stereo (Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!)

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"CheshireCat, Nikc" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4697http://www.xkcdb.com/?4697<Nikc> Small, but popular I guess
<CheshireCat> that's what i say when my dick is out

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Spork" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4696http://www.xkcdb.com/?4696<Spork> so i just opened my first present
<Spork> sennheiser hd280s
<Spork> they sound like music to my ears
<Spork> shit
<Spork> that was a bad analogy

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Law" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4695http://www.xkcdb.com/?4695<Law> I would only equate his life to 2 orphan children

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"jercos" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4694http://www.xkcdb.com/?4694<jercos> SeveredCross: I prefer someone who's not afraid to get a little greasy.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4693http://www.xkcdb.com/?4693* Maku is no longer following this conversation and proceeds to eat his shoe.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"SeveredCross" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4691http://www.xkcdb.com/?4691< SeveredCross> Er, s/hermaphrodite/ejaculation/ the first time.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"thatGuy, Cojaro, Lisimba, gsd" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4690http://www.xkcdb.com/?4690Lisimba> Do we want to know *what* you are waxing?
<thatGuy> it's sticky to hair but not very stick to skin.
<thatGuy> it's called "sugaring" and not waxing.
<thatGuy> But I'm sugaring almost everything I've got.
<Cojaro> these are the kind of conversations where context really matters
<gsd> I may have to try this on my friend.

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"Royall, DM, Steef, You" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4688http://www.xkcdb.com/?4688<DM> Royall, you have an intersting idea on love
<Royall> I don't love people who tell people they hate them
--> You has joined this channel (you@hide-DE9C554F.dsl.mindspring.com).
<Steef> I hate you.
<Royall> I never loved you.
<You> WHY?

++ | --]]>Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:01:51 -0500"FossZombie" <rss@peeron.com>http://www.xkcdb.com/?4687http://www.xkcdb.com/?4687FossZombie: I got a physical yesterday
FossZombie: For work
FossZombie: The doctor came in after the nurse asked me to put on a gown
FossZombie: doctor says "Put your clothes back on, I don't touch guys that can kick my ass"
FossZombie: He literally just said "Do you have a hernia?" and I said "No"
FossZombie: he was like "good enough"

++ | --]]>